| I LOVE being
Southern!
Only a Southerner knows the
difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you
don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many
fish, collard greens, > turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a
mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point
out to you the > general direction of "yonder.
Only a Southerner knows exactly how
long "directly" is as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme
some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance
that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by
and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept
well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively
that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is
a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If
the neighbor's trouble is a real > crisis, they also know to add a
large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the
difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also
know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and
understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume
that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make
a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can
be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb, ditto for barbeque or bbq.
Only Southerners make friends while
standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and
when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! Put 100
Southerners in a room and half of them will > discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
Southerners never refer to one person
as "y'all".
Southerners know grits come from corn
and how to eat them. Every Southerner knows tomatoes with
eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye
gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are
not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I
caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea"
and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of
it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you
don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't
scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the
freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
To those of you who're still a little
embarrassed by your Southerness: Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still
having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your
hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a
second language!
And for those that are not from the
South but have lived here for a long time, y'all need a sign to hang
on y'alls front porch that reads "I aint from the South but I got
here as fast as I could."
Bless your hearts, y'all have a
blessed day. |
