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| Single
Parent Times A Publication of NCSingleParent.com |
Vol. 1, Issue 3 |
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New Stuff on the Website
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SEPARATION AGREEMENT SURVIVAL GUIDE
by Mark E. Sullivan Family Law Attorney
Publisher's Note:
The following is an excerpt from an info letter prepared by Mark E.
Sullivan, a family law specialist with Sullivan & Grace, P.A. in
Raleigh, NC, and it is reprinted here with permission. For
more information call them at 919-832-8507 or visit them on the web
at
www.ncfamilylaw.com.
Thanks
to Mark for letting us reprint this article in the Single Parent
Times. The purpose of this handout is to assist you in answering questions that you may have regarding separation agreements. It is, of course, impossible to answer all of your questions in a short brochure such as this, so we want to encourage you to ask other questions of your lawyer at the appropriate time.
Question. Do I have to have a separation agreement?Answer. No law requires a separating couple to execute a separation agreement, but it is a wise idea if there are debts, children, support claims or property involved and the parties want to settle these matters in writing. Oral promises between spouses are worthless and unenforceable.Question. What is a separation agreement?Answer. A separation agreement is a contract between a husband and wife in which they resolve such matters as property division, debts, custody and support when they separate from each other.Question. Who prepares a separation agreement?Answer. It is best to have your own attorney prepare it for you. The separation agreement is not valid in North Carolina unless both parties have signed and their signatures are notarized. Never try to prepare such a complex and important document yourself - this is a job for a specialist.Question. Can we divide our property in a separation agreement?Answer. Yes. A couple that is separating can agree on a division of property in their separation agreement, and that agreement will be binding on them. The property to be divided consists of real property (such as land and the buildings on it), tangible property (cars, jewelry and furniture for example) and intangible personal property (such as bank accounts, stocks and bonds, vested pensions and life insurance).Question. Is my spouse required to sign a separation agreement?Answer. No. "Agreement" means that both parties sign voluntarily. You cannot compel your spouse to sign a separation agreement or to agree to the terms you wish to impose on him or her in the agreement.Question. Does a separation agreement help me to get a divorce?Answer. A separation agreement is not "proof" that you have been living separate and apart from your spouse. It does not make divorce in North Carolina easier or more difficult to obtain.Question. Can our separation agreement settle who claims the tax exemption for our children?Answer. Yes. The 1984 Tax Reform Act allows the parties to agree as to who can claim the children as exemptions for income tax purposes. Without a written agreement, the parent who has physical custody of the child for more than half the year will get the dependency exemption.Question. What are the factors I should consider in transferring the exemption?Answer. Consider these issues: |
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Like the parents of teens in generations past, my teenager often says something that I simply don’t understand. Each generation has their own slang, their own way of saying what’s bad or good, right or wrong; their own words for a myriad of things. Not long ago she confused me with ‘bling-bling’. Huh? She explained this was a word that referred to fancy jewelry and other flashy, showy items of status. A week later I read that the new addition of the Oxford Dictionary had added ‘bling-bling’ to its pages along with many other slang terms. Don’t think I didn’t check – not one of the many adults I work with had ever heard of bling-bling. Apparently Oxford is one step ahead of the rest of us. In addition to her verbal language; however, I’ve found myself learning a whole new written language, a sort of e-language. Like many teens today, mine is totally addicted to AOL Instant Messenger. For those of you who don’t know, AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) is a free, downloadable program that lets you list your friends via their e-mail addresses or buddy list names in your computer. This lets you see whether or not they’re online the same time as you. To communicate with someone via this program, the person you want to communicate with has to have it also or have a compatible program. That’s not as hard as it sounds like it might be. You’d be hard pressed to find a teenager who has never used AIM. If a friend is online at the same time you are you can send them a message that will pop up on their screen instantaneously. They can reply to your instant message and, if you like, the two of you can ‘chat’. It’s actually pretty neat, talking to each other live on your computer screen. But wait – there’s more! If you’re online but don’t want to be disturbed, or if you have to leave your computer for awhile, you can leave an ‘away message’ that says you’re busy. You can simply say you’re busy or – if you’re like my daughter and her friends – your away message can (and simply must) explain every little detail about why you can’t be at your keyboard right that very second. My daughter has about 100 people on her ‘buddy list’. A buddy list contains the screen names of people that you know. When they come online, their screen name lights up so you know they’re out there in cyber space just waiting for you to send them an IM – or instant message. I don’t think I could name 100 people that I KNOW but she’s got 100 people that she feels are so important they must know whether or not she’s online and – even more importantly – what she’s doing when she’s not online and why. Countless times our family has waited to eat dinner, go shopping, or any number of things because she has been ‘changing her away message’. Understandably, this has caused not a little bit of friction in our household. Quite simply, the importance she equates with her ‘away message’ could be likened to the White House trying to contact the Kremlin during the Cuban missile crisis. I, however, beg to differ. On one occasion I even pulled the plug from the modem in pure frustration because, quite simply, we were going to be late and my teen simply didn’t understand that being on time for church was more important than letting her cyber village citizens know where she’d be. That led to a philosophical lecture on priorities (and had me privately questioning exactly when I started sounding just like my mother). Despite being given warnings, she still waits until the last possible second to update her away message as though it’s entirely possible that at the last minute I’ll change my mind and, rather than sit down to dinner, I’ll have the entire lot of us sit down to practice limericks. I fear the computer has become the new ‘boob tube’ of my daughter’s generation. Instead of worrying about her watching mindless TV I worry about her obsession with the computer. Aside from the all consuming obsession with the darn thing, it has spawned a whole form of abbreviated communicating. I guess that makes sense since the faster you can type out what you’re trying to say, the faster you can send your message. Still, for someone who’s not familiar with the e-lingo, it can look like Greek and be more confusing than making sense out of the current Agricultural Farm Report. I got the following email message from my teen while she was visiting relatives:
Translation?
Some other popular abbreviations:
How do you learn e-language? Well, by using it. I think I’m pretty computer literate and have been using AOL Instant Messenger for many years myself. It can be quite handy. Still, somehow I don’t think it’s inventors foresaw that it would become the main source of communication for a generation. Before using the telephone to call a friend to ask a question about a homework assignment my daughter will wait for them to pop up online. In fact, the phone has become her least favorite form of electronic communication. When I suggest she just call a classmate and ask about the assignment in question she rolls her eyes and says “Mom…” in that pained voice of a teenager dealing with a pathetic, uncool, and so not-with-the-program parent. And my daughter isn’t a geek or a computer nerd. She’s popular and has lots of friends. She’s simply part of a generation that has adopted a new way of communicating, complete with its own language. Perhaps even more frightening, this e-speak is working its way from the computer into other areas of life. Believe it or not, teachers around the country are starting to complain that homework assignments and term papers are being handed in written in this e-speak. I can only shudder at the thought that using this computer form of shorthand will cause an entire generation to lose their skills in written language. I’ve gotten email from colleagues at work with phrases like “U R right!” and “I need U 2 contact…”. On the surface it doesn’t seem all that bad I suppose. The bigger picture? How can we expect the teens of today to learn and use proper English if today’s adults are themselves using such e-slang, especially in the workplace? My daughter and I have an understanding. She can use whatever abbreviations she wants in her email and messaging as long as none of it leaks into her school work. We’re keeping the old while letting the new have its space. So far, the truce we’ve established has been working well for us. We still argue about computer time but so far I’m winning that battle. Time will tell how much this computer-ese will change the way the world communicates in the future. I can only hope that when I get that message I’ll be able to understand it.
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