Quick Links   Website News   Featured Article "Negotiating 101"  

Rate Your Family Law / Divorce Attorney

Publisher's Note:  Thanks for taking the time to read the Single Parent Times.  Please don't hesitate to send me an e-mail with any comments or suggestions of how we can serve you better.

Sincerely,
Montie Roland
Publisher,
NCSingleParent.com

Website News

16 Mar 04 -- 5 New Restaurants Added to the Kids Eat Free Nights list.  You can also submit new restaurants online -- Click Here.

12 Mar 04 -- Come to our free Car Clinic just for Single Parents -- See below for more information.  Thanks to Colony Tire for hosting the event and providing the instructor.

Event: Single Parent Car Clinic
Sponsored by: Colony Tire and NCSingleParent.com
Time: 3:00 to 4:00 PM
Dates: Saturday 10 Apr 04 and Saturday 17 Apr 04
Location: Colony Tire Store #36
Cost: Free to Single Parents with RSVP

Please RSVP to: montie@ncsingleparent.com for directions (please make sure to include the date you would like to attend in the RSVP)

Description: Car Clinic designed to help single parents understand basic car maintenance. How-to topics covered include:

- check and properly adjust tire pressure
- what to do about a slow leak
- change a flat
- common tire problems and what to do about them, including improper wear patterns and bulging sidewalls
- check oil, anti-freeze and transmission fluid levels
- proper way to add anti-freeze
- understanding the gauges and warning lights in your car

Participants will receive a coupon good for a $6.99 oil change at Colony Tire. Thanks again to Colony Tire for hosting the event and providing the instructor!
 

---

Featured Article -- Negotiating 101
by R.S. (Steve) Monks, Family Law Attorney

Editor's Note:  Steve Monks is the moderator for the 'Ask An Attorney' forum in the NCSingleParent.com discussion groups.  Click Here to visit Steve's forum.

     In my experience, most family law conflicts are resolved by a negotiated settlement.  If you haven’t filed a complaint with the courts, this often comes in the form of what is called a Settlement Agreement.  Upon the initiation of litigation, mediation frequently resolves the dispute.  Some cases are settled on the courthouse steps minutes before the scheduled trial.  That is why I tell my clients, “In a family law dispute, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate”. 

     I have tried over 200 cases and participated in innumerous mediations and I have completed a 40-hour mediation course.  As a result, I have concluded that there are four basic rules to remember when you negotiate:  

1.               Know exactly what you want.

2.               Know what is reasonable.

3.               Try to get your opponent to make the first offer.

4.               If you have to make the first offer “shoot for the moon”. 
 

1.         Know exactly what you want.

     Most clients I initially speak to think they have a pretty good idea of what they want; custody, to keep the kids in the State, liberal visitation, to keep the house, dog or the blue china, etc.  In order to secure these objectives you need to be much more specific. You want liberal visitation?  No, you want, “joint custody with visitation every other weekend from Thursday after school or no later than 4:00 p.m. to the following Monday morning at the time the child’s school begins and alternate Thursdays from 6 – 8 p.m. when you do not exercise weekend visitation, 4 weeks in the summer, alternate spring breaks, Christmases, Thanksgivings and Easters, on the child’s birthday when not in possession on the from 6 – 8 p.m. and a restriction on residence to a particular county or contiguous counties…and that’s just for starters”!   You will have an advantage over your opponent who makes general requests because they are inclined to concede the details to you.  It is important to know these details early on because negotiations could happen at any time and you need to be prepared.  You will find that changing your position is very difficult, and more likely to produce litigation, if you negotiate with your spouse before speaking to an attorney and finding out what is reasonable…too late.  Do yourself a favor, find out before you start talking. 

2.         Know what is reasonable. 

     This is an example of something which is not reasonable: “All I want is for my spouse to just give up custody of our four kids, to leave me the house and their retirement, to move to another country, give me a written apology and to pay for my attorneys fees”.  Perhaps this will be your first offer, see number 4, but it is not likely going to be accomplished by going to court and such a proposal may produce some resistance. 

     Frustratingly, an attorney’s definition of reasonable may be different from yours.  Generally an attorney’s definition is “that outcome which is reasonably to be accomplished by going to court”.  It is important to get advice from an experienced family law attorney in order to know the odds of achieving a particular result.  Only then will you know what to concede or not.  Litigation/negotiation is a gamble, you need to “know when to hold’em and know when to fold’em”.

3.         Try to get your opponent to make the first offer. 

     This rule was the most valuable thing I learned from my mediation course and I learned this by example.  The instructor subdivided our group into pairs and instructed us to engage in negotiations to achieve certain financial objectives which he gave to us. The objective was within a range and each party had a cushion from which they could negotiate.  And, each party’s objective was within the other party’s range but neither party knew that.  In theory, both sides could achieve their objective by conceding their entire cushion and that would be acceptable to the other party because it was within their range.  It was just a matter of who would concede more.  Interestingly, in every case, the party that made the first offer achieved less of their financial objective and conceded more.  Begin by asking your opponent; “What do you think is fair?”  Listen, perhaps take notes, and then begin negotiating.   

4.         If you have to make the first offer “shoot for the moon”.  

     Most of my clients express this sentiment, “I don’t want to take them to the cleaners nor to keep them from the children…I just want what’s fair.”  If you want a fair result begin by making an unfair offer.  This sounds counterproductive, confrontational and plain mean-spirited.  Sometimes you cannot make the first offer.  Traditionally, the Plaintiff is obliged to go first during mediation sessions.  Sometimes you are compelled to go first because the other side is aware of rule number 3 or because they just won’t engage.  If that is the case, suggest a proposal which achieves all of your objectives, and more.  Present a proposal which contains things you know you are going to concede.  This way, when you finally concede to give them the blue china, that you hated anyway, you appear conciliatory and are less likely to have to concede bigger issues. 

     I have heard the following regarding mediation which is a formal type of negotiation; a successful mediation is one where both parties make concessions and where neither party is entirely satisfied.  If you follow my advice you will still have to make concessions but you will probably be more satisfied with the result than your opponent.  

For more information, contact R.S. (Steve) Monks at 451-7979 or by e-mail at rsmonks@yahoo.com

New Forum on NCSingleParent.com allows Single Parents to Rate Their Family Law Attorney

             CARY, NC – NCSingleParent.com has launched a forum which enables single parents to rate their family law attorneys. 

     “Being a single parent is tremendously challenging, and in a perfect world every family would have two happily-married parents under one roof,” says Montie Roland, a single parent and the founder of NCSingleParent.com.  “However, it is a fact that there are many single parents and that many single parents find themselves in need of a family law attorney.  NCSingleParent.com is now offering a new service called Rate Your Attorney.  Allowing single parents to rate the performance of their family law attorney empowers single parents who need an attorney to make a more informed decision when choosing one.  Separation and divorce is traumatic enough without having to go through the ordeal of hiring a poor-performing attorney.”

     The NCSingleParent.com Rate Your Attorney service enables registered users to review their attorney and to view attorney reviews by county.  Postings include a general review of the attorney, pros and cons single parents have experienced when working with the attorney, and a review of the attorney’s customer service and pricing.   Anyone who wishes to read reviews or post one of their own can do so by visiting www.NCSingleParent.com.  There is no cost to post a rating or view ratings.  

    The value of NCSingleParent.com’s Rate Your Attorney is already being recognized, despite the fact that the service is barely two weeks old.   “Many of the prayer requests and worries that I hear from single parents directly relate to what their attorney does or does not do,” says Brad Harbaugh, Singles Pastor at Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, North Carolina.  “Therefore, recommendations of a trusted attorney are very valuable.”
 

    "The idea for NCSingleParent.com came about when I realized that I was continually hearing single parents ask similar questions," says Roland.   "The site is intended to provide easy access to information on how to deal with the issues single parents face every day – basically, to answer the common questions that come up again and again."

     NCSingleParent.com was formed to address the wide range of issues unique to single parents.  The site features a number of issue-specific forums, as well as information about single parent ministries and other resources for single parents.  The legal issues forum, which is moderated by a family law attorney, covers child support and other divorce and child custody-related issues.  The financial issues forum is moderated by a financial planner who is also a single parent.   Other forums address issues such as separation, divorce, planning a vacation, event postings for single parent-related events, and even finding help with tasks such as home repair.  For more information visit http://www.NCSingleParent.com or send an email to info@ncsingleparent.com