Guide to Parent - Teacher Conferences 
by Mary Moore, 6th Grade Teacher, 30 May 03

Why do I need to meet with my child’s teacher?

There are several reasons for parent teacher conferences.  The main one is to inform you of your child’s progress in school.  Also, teachers may share information with you related to students’ test scores, behavior, and social development. Education is more than a teacher/ student effort.  Parents play a huge part in their children’s success in school.  It is important that parents are active participants in conferences. 

Parent teacher conferences are also an excellent time to share any pertinent information about your child.  For example, does your child live with Mom or Dad?  Is either parent restricted from visitation. (the school will only enforce this with copies of the court documents.) Are there step-parents to consider?

Who should come to parent teacher conferences?

Both parents need to be involved in the school process, even if your child doesn’t live with both of you.  If parents are not able to meet together, separate conferences can be arranged with the teacher.  

Step-parents can be included in conferences, but only when it will not cause a problem for the other parent or the teacher.  It is best not to have both parents and a step parent or two at the conference.

Also, it is sometimes helpful to have your child present at conferences.  Some schools are moving toward Student Led conferences. This means your child will share work samples with you, and share his/her feelings about school, and his/her academic progress.

When do Parent Teacher conferences happen?

Parent teacher conferences can occur at several points during the school year. Most schools have a scheduled conference at the end of the first grading period.  Also, if a teacher has a concern about a child’s progress, discipline, or test scores, he/she may ask you to come in to discuss the situation.  Parents can also request a conference.  I cannot stress enough that any time you have a question, you need to find out the answer.  Conferences can occur over the phone as well as face to face.  They may occur after school, during the teacher’s planning period, or before school.

Parent teacher conferences should not occur in the mall, grocery store, park etc.  Remember teachers have a life outside of school.

How do I request a conference?

Conferences can be requested at any time of the year.  All you have to do is call the school, write a note to the teacher, or email the teacher.  All teachers in North Carolina Public schools have an email account.

Please remember though, that teachers are allowed to leave work between 3 and 4 p.m. Many will agree to stay later to meet with you, but you can’t necessarily expect it.

What should I expect?

Expect the teacher to discuss academic performance, share samples of student work, and discuss testing/ assessment information.  Also, during this time the teacher may express any concerns related to your child’s academic future.  Teachers may also ask you if you have any concerns you wish to address.

What is my part in the conference?

Parents play a vital part in their child’s success at school. It is important that you express any concerns or observations you have.  Teachers are the experts on educational theory, but parents are experts on their own children. If you know your child does better at the front of the room, it is okay to ask the teacher to seat him/her there.  Also if you have any questions about the daily schedule, rules, or procedures in the classroom, conferences are a great time to ask.

What if I disagree with the teacher?

There will be times when teachers and parents disagree about what is best for children.   The first thing to remember is to stay calm.  Getting upset doesn’t solve anything on either side of the desk.  Clearly state your concerns.  Often  parents don’t understand why teachers do things in a certain way. If they ask the teacher, he/she will generally be glad to explain his/her thinking.

If you still feel the teacher is not doing what is best for your child, offer alternatives. As I stated before, you are the expert on your child.  You know what types of discipline work, and which types don’t. 

The next step is to talk to the principal. This should only be done after talking to the teacher.  Most principals will invite the teacher to such a meeting so they can get both sides of the story. 

What should NOT happen at the conference?

Discussions about other students -- remember you are there to talk about your child. Teachers may not discuss any of the other children in their class with you. Please try to refrain from comments like “Johnny is a real handful isn’t he?” (Unless, Johnny is your child.)

Discussions about other teachers -- remember each year is a new beginning.  If you didn’t agree with last year’s teacher, don’t bring that to this year’s conference. Every teacher is different.  It is okay to share strategies that were used by last year’s teacher that worked, however.

No one should leave feeling attacked. Parent teacher conferences are for sharing information.  They are not a gripe session.  If there is a problem, talk about how to solve it.  If the teacher mentions your child is having difficulty, he/she should suggest solutions. If the teacher doesn’t suggest solutions, ask for them.

Parent teacher conferences should not last forever.  It is important to get the answers to your questions, but remember the teacher has 30-90 students (depending on the grade level) There  will most likely be others waiting. 

In closing, it is true that it takes a whole community to educate a child.  Parents need to stay informed about what the school is doing. The school needs to stay informed about any special concerns you have about your child.